naw not really, i don’t believe in soulmates
i think the difference you’re looking for comes with time
true love comes in layers and layers of time and being present with someone, that’s why the wedding vow goes “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”
love is spending so much time with someone that you feel like one unit and then they say something that you disagree with and you argue about it and you realize that you’re not a unit, you’re two people who are so connected it makes you nauseous sometimes. still, two distinct people, who are THERE, THERE, maddeningly, invigoratingly, THERE — there for each other — there all the same
and it’s layers and layers of sediment, that you’re always digging through. and when you hit stone, you don’t stop; you start jackhammering until you reach earth again. and it will be soft, but there will always be layers of rock waiting, sometimes nearly impossible to break through, and you just keep trying to barrel thru each other
every body has hard spots, but you’ll know it’s love if you’ve hit the rocks, and documented it: the type, the texture, the color. and you are ok with these rocks, and you would prefer them to any other kind of rock
i don’t think people are made for each other, that’s a very individual way to think, and i don’t think things work like that. i do, however, believe that there is a good amount of predestiny or fate; some things are just bound to happen. if you and your person work well together, then it works. if you’re working too hard through it, maybe it’s not meant to be.
if it’s easy now, then go with it. later it will get hard, because it always gets hard later. the first rule of the universe: everything heads towards entropy. porridges are stirred. (they can’t be unstirred.) tea is steeped. (it can’t be unsteeped.) relationships get hard.
if it’s a good fight, you’ll feel it in your bones — “i want to keep this.” you would prefer slamming against this rock to the wide world above it
because they’re deep in you too, and you, ideally, are mutually benefiting each other, and giving equal contributions, both people willing to fight for each other, giving each other full trust & respect
a lot of relationships fall apart, naturally. it’s just a lot of weight to keep holding. all those damn rocks. all the damn working for it. the fighting for it. (note: actual fights and/or mean arguments are not signs of healthy relationships.) the figurative constant fight to hold each other, i mean. if it works, it’s like a ballet. exhausting sometimes, but mostly exhilarating
it seems easy enough to me. i guess the thing that’s hard to figure out is the point where it turns from a good healthy slog to a bad one, where the exhaustion outweighs everything else.
i think real love is an ache. the best ache, but also the strongest and longest ache. a continual tear. any parent could tell you that. you just have to decide which person you trust the most with carrying/causing it